Being 40 Something

I have a life I can not complain about. I have a wonderful and loving husband, two beautiful kids and a very comfortable life. It hasn't always been that way. In fact, it used to be a totally different story.

My first husband... let's not talk about him :)

By the time I met my second and truly wonderful husband, I was in my mid thirties. Having worked all my life and spent most of it as a single mother too, I was suddenly presented with the opportunity to take my foot off the accelerator for a while. I used to be a secretary, so definitely not a high-flying ambitious business woman juggling meetings, trips and children, just little me earning a decent wage and making ends meet. My husband and I agreed that I needed some time off and my company was reducing its employees so I decided to volunteer to leave. They were very good to me and I got a really good settlement. I decided to take several months off before hunting for another job.

I was quite stressed out and decided to focus on my daughter and my new husband and myself for a while. However, during my time off I became pregnant with my son, so I decided to enjoy my pregnancy without the pressure of work, then my son was born and how could I possibly go back to work with a tiny baby at home? So, there you have it, 3 and a half years later I work part time from home and find myself basically - well, lost.

Are our lives really so defined by our jobs? My husband's is - but then it's his company, if he doesn't work it no one else will!

When I stopped working I thought, wow, life's great no pressure to get to work by a certain time, no boss standing over me, no rush hour traffic. And it is great for a while and then the grey matter kicks in from lack of stimuli and I find myself wondering if I should at least try and go back to work on a full-time basis? There are over 400,000 unemployed in this country so there must be secretaries by the dozen looking for jobs, and then there are the kids, and my husband who would love me to travel with him as often as possible.

I admit that it isn't out of monetary need. It is a case of having a purpose and direction in life, something that is mine, where I am me and not belonging to the kids! Yes children often feel their parents belong to them and are there to do everything for them and when they want it. But to be honest, I need something for me.

I recently turned 40 and suddenly started questioning lots of things in my life. One of them is the direction I am going in. I would love to have something to do that is mine, that enthuses me and gives me satisfaction. With all the opportunities for communication that we have nowadays at our fingertips, I would love to be able to put those opportunities to good use.

I started this blog as an experiment and so far I feel it is a total flop. I don't know if anyone has even read it and no one has ever left a comment. It would be nice to know, so if there is anyone out there reading this and find something akin in it to their own feelings, then please, let me know - it would be lovely.