Ok, I probably shouldn't be writing this - not now anyway. It's almost 2am and I am alone. Married with 2 kids and feeling lonely. Life has a funny way of changing. Things hardly ever work out the way you think they are going to. There are times in your life when you have a great friendship and you can never imagine that friendship ever ending or simply changing. But life changes all the time and quite often so do friendships.
So many people I knew and believed were my closest friends and really helped me when I was a single mother and battling my ex-husband in court. Suddenly when life got better, I met my current husband, fell madly in-love and got married, lots of them disappeared. People who knew every aspect of my life and that I cherished suddenly didn't return my calls. Does that classify me as a charity case? Someone they felt sorry for and thought they had to help and then when things got better for me and I was happy, they no longer felt they could include me in their circle of friends? Why does this happen?
Having said that, the ones that have stayed around and continue to be friends, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are true friends, even if I can count them all on one hand and still not use all my fingers! To them, I send my most sincere and heartfelt thanks. Thanks for being there in the bad times and the good times.
Giving up my job has cut me off from a lot of opportunities to maintain friendships and make new ones. My husband's job means he is away a lot and I am therefore, on my own. Most of my friends are married with children, and the possibility of a girls night out for dinner and a good conversation, just isn't on the cards.
Now, my dilemma is, should I just sit around waiting for my husband to come home? Should I just do what is expected of me, stay home, look after the children and be bored brainless? My husband has a wonderful social job in which he gets to meet loads of interesting and fun people, I have come to envy him. I would love to be able to enjoy myself too when he is away and not just have to cope with reading of his activities on twitter or from telephone conversations with him? I try hard to smile down the phone and feel happy for that even though he is far from home, and I know he misses us, but he cannot deny he has lots of fun. I do find it hard as I would love to be there by his side enjoying it all with him.
I feel left out.
I always said I did not want to be stuck at home, and here I am. Stuck.
I am not talking about going out to clubs and dancing until dawn. Just some fun and witty conversation over a decent meal every now and again would be just fine. I have done things such as joined a Pilates group where all the other women in the class were housewives with husbands and kids too, no one socialized outside of the class beyond a coffee afterwards. I joined a gym before the Pilates class where no one talked to anyone unless they were friends and had signed up together. What is it with people? Why are people becoming so anti social? If you try striking up a conversation with someone on the treadmill next to you they look at you as if you've gone crazy and plug their headphones in!
Inspiration PLEASE! I need to make minor changes in my life!
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