What is the point?

I find myself, as you will know from this blog, at a problematic time in my life. My inability to actually pull myself together is really beginning to bug me. I feel excluded, as I am sure many people do. I am stuck at home with the kids while my husband is off having loads of fun with his job. And yes, I do know he works very hard, but he loves his job and has a great time while he does it. And yes, he's very considerate and loves me very much. But all I get is the exhausted husband who's too tired to get out of bed when he's home, and too exhausted to be any fun in bed either! There's a shocker for you!

So when I hear about him organizing parties (all in the name of work) and having a great time meeting very interesting people I cannot help myself and feel jealous. We never go to parties when he's home, and wouldn't dream of going out to a club, he's always too tired. So I think, right there is nothing stopping me having a good time while he's away and he certainly wouldn't dream of stopping me having fun, but who with? All my friends are married with kids and work full time, none of them would want to go out and have fun as they are all happy at home with their spouses and offspring. I just don't know anyone who's single and would go out. There is no way I would ever consider going out on my own, I am certainly not looking to meet anyone who might get the wrong idea, and let's face it, it is neither fun or understood to go out on my own.

So what should I do? How can I change my life in order to find the right kind of people to widen my circle of friends with other women who's husbands also travel a lot and they too are bored at home with the kids? I don't necessarily want to go out to clubs and dance the night away, but a nice friendly dinner with intelligent conversation or a trip to the movies or a show would be nice every now and again.

It seems to me that in this age of social networking sites and all the other stuff there is out there, even this blog, gets me absolutely nowhere. No one ever comments on my posts to let me know they agree or disagree with me. My twitter is a total flop. Yes I have fun on Facebook, but all my friends on it live in different countries not just different cities! So as you can see, things are pretty difficult when it comes to socializing. I also live in a residential area where everyone hides behind their fences and no one speaks to anyone else. The only person I have regular contact with who is a neighbor is a woman who used to work for my Dad and lives just up the road! But even she is busy with her elderly mother in a nursing home nearby and her husband in the evenings.

Just to see what would happen, I posted on twitter that I was going off-line for good and thanked all my followers for putting up with my boring posts. The only response I got was from my husband asking me what had happened.

Well what has happened is, I can't really see the point in it. No one answers my posts anyway. And I just feel like I'm having my nose rubbed in it when I get to read all my husband's numerous posts about all the fun he's planning for his next event in Colombia or Mexico.

On top of it all, we will be launching Phase IV of the building work to be done on our house. So not only do I get to be here alone with the kids but I get a house full of Rumanian builders and more dust then anyone can humanly cope with - especially with my allergies.

So yes, I am complaining, I feel as if I don't exist. I feel lonely.

Coping with the past.

Does anyone out there have any advice for coping with the past. I shall explain. As I said in a previous post, when you meet someone in your mid thirties, both of you have "baggage" that baggage being all you have lived previously to meeting that wonderful person you me at thirty-something. Your pasts make you both what you are today. It all adds up and contributes to making you that wonderful person he/she fell in love with. But, as in my case, sometimes that other person's past is still very present.

My husband had three very important relationships before meeting me. One when he was very young and produced his eldest daughter Jenny, another one which lasted for 10 years - no children but they did bring a company into this world and they are still partners in that company and work together on a daily basis. His third relationship produced John, and John's mother also works for him at the company he created. So as you can see, his past is still very present. In fact, his partner (ex girlfriend number 2) is his best friend and also godmother to our son (this was decided unanimously by him). Every time number 2 asks him for a favor he doesn't think twice before saying yes.

Her favors are also extremely expensive. When she moved into her new apartment with her current boyfriend she commented on how much she liked one of our sofas (paid for by me and cost $4000), he GAVE it to her. Didn't even ask me if I agreed. The last favor was to borrow MY car for the weekend to go house hunting! They brought it back with no gas in it.

How do I cope with this? I do agree with helping people, especially when they need it, but she doesn't. Both she and her boyfriend earn vast fortunes and are not in need in the slightest. Also, no favors are ever returned. It is completely one sided.

What do I do? How do I cope with this?