Other people's children

You know, this is probably going to sound really, really sad, but I challenge anyone out there who has had to cope with stepchildren to say it was plain sailing from the beginning.

I have always said that when you meet someone in your late 30s both of you are going to have baggage. In my case, my wonderful man came with a daughter and a son both from two different women. We'll call her Jenny and him John just for the hell of it. Jenny was 18 when we met and John was just a year and a half. I also had a daughter from a previous relationship who was about 6 at the time, we'll call her Susie.

However, being crazy in love with him (Tom) I believed that we would all live happily ever after and that our love would be capable of conquering any problems in our way!

I wasn't totally wrong, but it has certainly been an very uphill struggle, and still is.

It's not as easy as I had originally thought. Leaving Jenny and her problems to one side for the moment (and believe me they have been far more serious than John's), strangely enough my biggest problem is with John. John who was such a sweet baby has turned into a child I find difficult to cope with. In fact, I dread the weekends he's with us and to be honest he's not that bad.

You see, John is nearly 5 and as 5 year olds go, he is very strange - but it isn't his fault. How can you blame a 5 year old for living in a fantasy world or the fact that he doesn't know the difference between a t-shirt and a jumper? If any blame is to be dished out, it's on his mother. Unfortunately for John, his father works and travels constantly. Which means he spends much more time with his mother and when he comes to visit, our world is so radically different from the one his mother has created for him that he is totally lost and out of sync. This makes me feel very sorry for him, however, at the same time he drives me nuts!

I am a fairly strict mother when it comes down to manners and behavior, I have two children, one of my own and one with John's father, now what I can't do is have one set of rules for my kids and no rules at all for John.

Yes, that is the way his mother is bringing him up. No rules, no limits, no responsibilities. In his mother's world, he is the center of attention and she does absolutely everything for him. He never needs to ask for a glass of water as she is always there offering it before he asks. He knows how to feed himself but doesn't because she does it for him. He doesn't ever have to think about what to play, as she is there suggesting things constantly.

At our house, he is one of the family. Expected to join in the family plans, eat by himself, dress himself (obviously with help of what to wear), at times, play by himself as well as playing with his siblings.

But is it really realistic to ask a 5 year old to manage such radically different environments? Kids are very resilient but they may need help to adjust.

Happily, for me at least and I hope for John, his parents have finally decided to get help and therefore help John. The psychologist will work separately with each of the parents so that the way they react towards John changes so that he will become more centered and happier and, I hope, easier to cope with.

Jenny we will get to at a later date!

Healthy Eating Part II

I have never been so hungry or in such a bad mood my entire life!  I started out that Monday morning in high spirits, I ate a couple of kiwis had a cup of tea and was starving again 5 minutes later!  I remembered the doctor saying that the diet was easier to do if you loved food.

During the first couple of weeks I couldn't understand what he had meant by that.  I spent my time thinking of all the things I wanted to eat, reminding myself I couldn't eat them and then planning what I could eat.  Food became an obsession.  However, I did one day realize what he had meant.  Being intolerant to lots of things means you have to be inventive, he had also told me I would have to rotate foods every four days so this means you have to be VERY inventive.

I taught myself how to make stews with no flour in them to thicken them, I tried new cuts of meat and different types - I had always been very boring eating mainly chicken and beef with a bit of sushi every now and again.  I'm not a big fish eater so that bit has been very difficult for me.  I made wonderful vegetable soups for dinner to keep me warm and I even learnt to make my own stock for soups.

For the first few days I had the most almighty headache but suddenly, on about day 5 it disappeared.  

By the end if the first month I was totally headache free (unless I had news from my ex husband!), I was sleeping better, feeling more energetic and on top of all that I had lost six and a half kilos!  All my post baby weight from my last pregnancy disappeared in one month.

I was really impressed.  Not only that, but for the first time in my life I was eating properly.  Lots of fruit, lots of fresh veg, meat and fish, and what's more, I was eating more than I used to.

I began to enjoy planning what I was going to eat every day and for the first time in my life actually inventing new recipes.  I was having fun.

That was 6 months ago.  It has now become a way of life.  In total, I have lost 9 kilos and am still enjoying the challenge of eating healthy but interesting food.  And I love eating fruit - something I was never very good at before.

My husband has had his intolerance test and is also doing the diet and finding he too has more energy and is sleeping better.  But both of us have discovered a major problem.  We live in Madrid in Spain and it is impossible to buy fresh fruit, peeled and sliced for quick consumption when you are out and about.  There is limited fruit available from places like McDonald's (Happy Meal Apple Slices) and Starbucks offer at box with an apple and a banana in it - now I realize that Starbuck, McDonald's etc don't know who has what allergies and intolerances and have to cater for the general public and those fruits are easier to store and serve, but a greater variety would be appreciated.

I have found one supermarket in Madrid, Sánchez Romero, that does fresh cut fruit in cartons but it is also horrendously expensive.  If anyone in England or America is reading this how about telling me the availability of fresh cut fruit over there.  Also the availability of lactose free milk in Starbucks or other chains.

Healthy Eating Part I

Has anyone noticed how difficult it is to eat healthily when you are on the go?  One thing we have precious little of is time; work, kids, house, etc leaves us often having to eat whatever is to hand.  

I have suffered for years from chronic headaches and if you add to that an acute allergy to Aspirin, all NSAIDs and most other painkillers, I was reduced to taking up to 3grs of paracetamol a day!

Then one day, a friend said, "I know this great doctor who I am sure could help you."  So off I went to see this "great doctor".  Yes I was skeptical  but so desperate that I had to give it a try.

Right now I will say, he is a truly great doctor.

We talked for a long time.  Amazing really, most doctors want you in and out as soon as possible, the more people they see the more money, or at least that's the way it always seemed to me.  He wasn't your usual doctor, all full of himself and convinced that he could change my life but I have to say - he has.  I will be forever in his debt.

He asked me about my eating habits, what a typical day was like for me and then sent me off for a blood test.  He warned me that the results would take a while and not to worry, as soon as they had them .... (get this) ...... they would call me to make an appointment - and they did!

I was quite nervous about going for the results, my mother had died of a brain tumor and let's face it - you never know and I certainly don't know how much you can tell from a blood test!  I was told that my vitals were all fine - cholesterol fine, sugar level normal, hormones normal, thyroids normal..... what a relief!  And then......

Intolerance to:

Garlic

Mushrooms

Nuts

All Pulses

Plums

Soya

Lactose

Egg

Peaches

Bananas

Pineapple

Apples

Grapes

And that didn't mean just eliminating these things from my diet but everything they contain too!  Nowadays Soya is in absolutely EVERYTHING, grape and apple juice are liberally added to loads of things too!  I was shattered - well maybe that was a bit over the top, but let's face it no more mayonnaise, no egg and chips, no Chai tea latte with Soya milk from Starbucks, no no no no oh god it doesn't bare thinking about..... NO CHOCOLATE!

The lovely doctor told me that from now on I would have to exist on a diet of fruit (that I can eat), vegetables, meat, fish, shellfish, etc.  That I could eat as mush as I wanted but I was not allowed to mix carbs with proteins in the same meal and to eat a minimum of 3 pieces of fruit a day.

I was thoroughly depressed when I left his office, I clearly remember it was a Thursday and I thought, there's no point starting this on a Thursday, I'll wait 'til Monday.

I then spent the rest of the day and the weekend, eating everything I was never going to be allowed to eat again.  By Sunday night I felt so awful I couldn't wait to start the diet the next morning.

Uff Winging it!

Yes, you have probably guessed by now that this is just me getting by.  Nothing fancy, just a place where, hopefully, other people will find answers, advice or just understanding about problems we all face on a daily basis.  

I hope that other people can learn from my mistakes or even the things I do manage to get right - first go!

Who knows, maybe if we all leant a hand to others, things might be a little easier to cope with.