Coping with the past.

Does anyone out there have any advice for coping with the past. I shall explain. As I said in a previous post, when you meet someone in your mid thirties, both of you have "baggage" that baggage being all you have lived previously to meeting that wonderful person you me at thirty-something. Your pasts make you both what you are today. It all adds up and contributes to making you that wonderful person he/she fell in love with. But, as in my case, sometimes that other person's past is still very present.

My husband had three very important relationships before meeting me. One when he was very young and produced his eldest daughter Jenny, another one which lasted for 10 years - no children but they did bring a company into this world and they are still partners in that company and work together on a daily basis. His third relationship produced John, and John's mother also works for him at the company he created. So as you can see, his past is still very present. In fact, his partner (ex girlfriend number 2) is his best friend and also godmother to our son (this was decided unanimously by him). Every time number 2 asks him for a favor he doesn't think twice before saying yes.

Her favors are also extremely expensive. When she moved into her new apartment with her current boyfriend she commented on how much she liked one of our sofas (paid for by me and cost $4000), he GAVE it to her. Didn't even ask me if I agreed. The last favor was to borrow MY car for the weekend to go house hunting! They brought it back with no gas in it.

How do I cope with this? I do agree with helping people, especially when they need it, but she doesn't. Both she and her boyfriend earn vast fortunes and are not in need in the slightest. Also, no favors are ever returned. It is completely one sided.

What do I do? How do I cope with this?

Easter holidays with the kids

Don't know what to do with the kids over the holidays? One thing that children love is cooking, it can also work to your advantage. Get the kids into the kitchen with you, it keeps them entertained and they can give you a hand at the same time. It is also a great way to teach children about food and healthy eating. If they get to know the different ingredients and learn how to use them and create a meal you can all sit down and eat together, gives them a great sense of achievement and is also very educational.

Depending on their ages you can do anything from cookies and cakes to a whole lunch or dinner!

Cookies are great for getting the feel of the dough. You can do fairy cakes and get them to decorate them with different colored icing. Easy savory food goes from cheese straws to Shepherd's Pie. Get them making their own pizzas or fancy sandwiches.

It's also a good idea to get them to clean up too! That way they can learn to do the washing up and put things away as they go, always a good help for you too!

Oh no! What do I feed the kids for dinner tonight?

We've all had this screaming in our heads on many an occasion. Those hungry, tired and irritable children at the end of the school day, not to mention the hungry, tired and irritable mother trying to tidy the house or rush in from after school activities and have to conjure up an nutritious meal in minutes.

Well with the risk of sounding... well annoying, here is a piece of advice that, however annoying, actually works.

MAKE EXTRA AND FREEZE IT!

Yes those are words of wisdom. Become the Tupperware queen. When you do have a day where you are more

relaxed, or if you are making lunch on a saturday, make extra and freeze it. That way you can have nutritious, homemade food to fall back on on those days when you're behind or have forgotten to do something about dinner. Yes, pizza is a quick and easy substitute, but a good mince dish freezes well and all you have to do is add a bit of mashed potato and hey

presto there you go! Dinner on the table. You can even defrost it in the microwave or directly over a low heat while the potatoes are cooking.

Fish pie is another good one for freezing. However, I tend to freeze the main part of these dishes without the mashed potato as, personally, I don't like reheated mashed potato! Also, to both these dishes you can add all the veg you like, either included during cooking or added as a side dish at the time of serving.

Other good recipes for freezing are:

Meatballs

Meatloaf

Homemade potato fish cakes

Croquets

Spaghetti sauce

chicken casserole

Beef Stew

Life's little problems

Ok, life has been pretty tough for the past year, lots of things going on and I have been affected by them all from the fallout. I have an incredibly intelligent husband and he has his own company and even in this time of crisis, his company is in expansion and doing really well. This is great! However it generally means he's traveling all the time and that means I get stuck at home with the kids - not fun. Living with "god" is not an easy thing to do - it is all about him. So how many other women out there have the same problem?

Woman are extremely resilient and resourceful. Men have been allowed, for as long as most of us can remember, to just get on with bringing the money in. Woman, as we all know, in the majority of cases have to hold down a full-time job, run the house, look after the children and be a loving and supportive wife.

When I met my husband I was lucky enough to be able to stop working. However, in his absences due to his hectic schedule, I have started working again. I am luckier than most though, my husband's salary pays for everything and I can work just to keep my brain in tip top condition and earn a bit of extra money for anything that's needed.

Women who are married to self-employed men know that it is an extremely stressful life. The main problem with this kind of job is cash-flow. He knows the money is coming in, what no one knows is when. Being dependent on other bigger corporations to pay up is not a great place to be for peace of mind. They quite often delay in paying the "little guy". I have often been to the supermarket to do the weekly shop and ended up with the cashier telling me my credit card is over the limit - I learnt the hard way to always carry enough cash just in case. As I have pointed out to him on many an occasion, the people we have to pay at the end of the month: credit card companies, house security company, schools, etc do not call him - they call me.

Before meeting my husband, I lived alone with my young daughter, held down a full-time job and paid all the bills - even if that meant I had nothing left over at the end, and now to have to explain to people that we will pay them as soon as possible, just pushes me closer and closer to the edge.

So me being me, meant that I got active. I found "slavery on-line", yes it does exist! Web sites where you can join up (you have to pay a fee to do this) and you can access a list of job offers for sepecific things that need doing. For example, secretarial work, computer programming, PAs, writing and translating, etc all from the comfort of your own home. Why is it slavery? Well you have to bid for the job you want and this means competing against other people all over the world, so the lower your bid the more likely you are to get the job assigned to you. Most of the people on there end up working for a very low wage.

As I pointed out before, I am one of the lucky ones, I do this just to have a little extra when my husband's cash-flow hits a tough patch. Have I thought about going back to full-time employment? All the time, but I really do want to be here for my kids. Before I married, my daughter had to go to early birds school club and after school club so that I could get to work on time. We both got out at the same time, but I had a 40 minute drive back to pick her up. Now, thanks to my hard-working husband I can take my kids to school and be there to pick them up, and funnily enough, that is all they ask for.

Now, if I did choose to go back to work, it would have to be for a really good reason or to a job I loved and that gave added value to my life.