Obsessed

Well I know this is something most of my friends and certainly my husband would agree with... I am obsessed with my weight. I would though, first like to point out that according to my doctor I am perfectly within my weight limits - right smack bang in between my lowest advisable weight and my maximum advisable weight.

Right, now having stated that, here comes the rest! I would actually tend to agree with them that I am obsessed about MY weight. No one else's, just mine. I cook properly balanced, nutritious food for my family and then nibble on a piece of turkey. I have always had weight issues. I was a tubby child, but not overweight, I was never ridiculed or bullied about my weight at school but things got out of hand as I got older.

My weight has gone up and down all my life. Obviously when we are younger, we put on a bit of weight, watch what we eat for a couple of days and hey presto it's gone! Now, as we get older, shedding weight becomes more and more difficult - but not impossible. There have been periods in my life when I have been positively FAT, but now I am (according to the doc) at my perfect weight. So why am I obsessed?

Well, once you reach your perfect weight, you have to maintain it -

and that is the difficult part. There is no end to the food sacrifice, the cravings and the guilt trips when I do go off the rails. Obviously, when I do give in and have a splurge, no weight is gained because I limit it to one mealtime or, at worst, one day. So the "damage" can not be described as damage and is easily rectified.

My major problem is that I think my body has become so accustomed to fairly uneventful food such as chicken, turkey, fruit, etc that when I do go over the top I suffer terribly.

However, one of the good points is that my life has become pain free. I used to suffer from unidentifiable pains in my abdomen, also lots of gas, headaches and joint pains. Since changing my diet they have all gone away, and curiously only co

me back when I go off the diet.

Down points? I spend my days wondering when I will allow myself a treat of some chocolate. Or yearning for carb day when I can eat some carbs (only allowed twice a week), and trying to ignore the little voice in my head saying, "Go on! You deserve it!" and its probably right, but it's there EVERY day not just every now and again.

Am I happy? Well happier than when I was fatter, but my worry is such that I don't enjoy it as much as I should. I am constantly wondering if my clothes are feeling tighter today, or if I ate too much the day before. BUT, breaking the diet definitely makes me feel loads worse.

A boost!

Thank you so much to Magnolia for the first comment on my blog. You have no idea how much it means to me to know that someone, somewhere out there has read my thoughts and actually had something to say about them. Thank you, it was a real boost :)

What is the point?

I find myself, as you will know from this blog, at a problematic time in my life. My inability to actually pull myself together is really beginning to bug me. I feel excluded, as I am sure many people do. I am stuck at home with the kids while my husband is off having loads of fun with his job. And yes, I do know he works very hard, but he loves his job and has a great time while he does it. And yes, he's very considerate and loves me very much. But all I get is the exhausted husband who's too tired to get out of bed when he's home, and too exhausted to be any fun in bed either! There's a shocker for you!

So when I hear about him organizing parties (all in the name of work) and having a great time meeting very interesting people I cannot help myself and feel jealous. We never go to parties when he's home, and wouldn't dream of going out to a club, he's always too tired. So I think, right there is nothing stopping me having a good time while he's away and he certainly wouldn't dream of stopping me having fun, but who with? All my friends are married with kids and work full time, none of them would want to go out and have fun as they are all happy at home with their spouses and offspring. I just don't know anyone who's single and would go out. There is no way I would ever consider going out on my own, I am certainly not looking to meet anyone who might get the wrong idea, and let's face it, it is neither fun or understood to go out on my own.

So what should I do? How can I change my life in order to find the right kind of people to widen my circle of friends with other women who's husbands also travel a lot and they too are bored at home with the kids? I don't necessarily want to go out to clubs and dance the night away, but a nice friendly dinner with intelligent conversation or a trip to the movies or a show would be nice every now and again.

It seems to me that in this age of social networking sites and all the other stuff there is out there, even this blog, gets me absolutely nowhere. No one ever comments on my posts to let me know they agree or disagree with me. My twitter is a total flop. Yes I have fun on Facebook, but all my friends on it live in different countries not just different cities! So as you can see, things are pretty difficult when it comes to socializing. I also live in a residential area where everyone hides behind their fences and no one speaks to anyone else. The only person I have regular contact with who is a neighbor is a woman who used to work for my Dad and lives just up the road! But even she is busy with her elderly mother in a nursing home nearby and her husband in the evenings.

Just to see what would happen, I posted on twitter that I was going off-line for good and thanked all my followers for putting up with my boring posts. The only response I got was from my husband asking me what had happened.

Well what has happened is, I can't really see the point in it. No one answers my posts anyway. And I just feel like I'm having my nose rubbed in it when I get to read all my husband's numerous posts about all the fun he's planning for his next event in Colombia or Mexico.

On top of it all, we will be launching Phase IV of the building work to be done on our house. So not only do I get to be here alone with the kids but I get a house full of Rumanian builders and more dust then anyone can humanly cope with - especially with my allergies.

So yes, I am complaining, I feel as if I don't exist. I feel lonely.

How's your relationship?

Being in a relationship is never easy and has to be worked at by both parties involved. With todays pressures of mortgage payments, careers, kids, schools, etc lots of us take our partner for granted. Maybe we should stop for a while and analyze our relationships and try and put ourselves in our partner's shoes for a few moments. Maybe a disaster can be avoided.

I have just been reading an article in the British Press about how 6 out of 10 couples are unhappy with their relationship. They say that there is no time for each other, sex life is terrible, they don't talk and spontaneity has completely disappeared. I would be interested to know, how many of you out there feel the same - or not, what you do to keep the flame alive, and your points of view on relationships.