Well I know this is something most of my friends and certainly my husband would agree with... I am obsessed with my weight. I would though, first like to point out that according to my doctor I am perfectly within my weight limits - right smack bang in between my lowest advisable weight and my maximum advisable weight.
Right, now having stated that, here comes the rest! I would actually tend to agree with them that I am obsessed about MY weight. No one else's, just mine. I cook properly balanced, nutritious food for my family and then nibble on a piece of turkey. I have always had weight issues. I was a tubby child, but not overweight, I was never ridiculed or bullied about my weight at school but things got out of hand as I got older.
My weight has gone up and down all my life. Obviously when we are younger, we put on a bit of weight, watch what we eat for a couple of days and hey presto it's gone! Now, as we get older, shedding weight becomes more and more difficult - but not impossible. There have been periods in my life when I have been positively FAT, but now I am (according to the doc) at my perfect weight. So why am I obsessed?
Well, once you reach your perfect weight, you have to maintain it -
and that is the difficult part. There is no end to the food sacrifice, the cravings and the guilt trips when I do go off the rails. Obviously, when I do give in and have a splurge, no weight is gained because I limit it to one mealtime or, at worst, one day. So the "damage" can not be described as damage and is easily rectified.
My major problem is that I think my body has become so accustomed to fairly uneventful food such as chicken, turkey, fruit, etc that when I do go over the top I suffer terribly.
However, one of the good points is that my life has become pain free. I used to suffer from unidentifiable pains in my abdomen, also lots of gas, headaches and joint pains. Since changing my diet they have all gone away, and curiously only co
me back when I go off the diet.
Down points? I spend my days wondering when I will allow myself a treat of some chocolate. Or yearning for carb day when I can eat some carbs (only allowed twice a week), and trying to ignore the little voice in my head saying, "Go on! You deserve it!" and its probably right, but it's there EVERY day not just every now and again.
Am I happy? Well happier than when I was fatter, but my worry is such that I don't enjoy it as much as I should. I am constantly wondering if my clothes are feeling tighter today, or if I ate too much the day before. BUT, breaking the diet definitely makes me feel loads worse.
I have to say, I read your post days ago, but I have been reluctant to comment because I don't want to upset you. But after reading What I Thought I Knew by Alice Eve Cohen, I was refreshed by her honesty. So I will tell you. I (while still trying not to hurt your feelings) can't stand when people obsess over weight. Live your life. Love your children. Love your friends. Love your husband. Love yourself. What's in a number? I am acutely aware of the affect a mother's self-image has on her children. I try to always portray to my girls that I love myself. I love my body. And people come in all shapes in sizes. Think about it. If your mother went around (as mine did) always saying she was fat and should eat this or that, all it taught me was that if I didn't look as good as my mother (who was always about 105 pounds) then there was NO WAY that I was worthy. And yes, sometimes I feel like I'm lying when I tell them I love my squishy belly. But try to remember what you would want your children to feel about their own selves. Then tell that to yourself!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, how did you happen upon my blog?
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to worry. I can take and welcome criticism. So honestly, you didn't upset me :). I do totally understand what you are saying. I have a beautiful daughter who is at an age where things have to be communicated carefully. We talk a lot about food, and about eating healthily. The thing is, I have loads of food allergies that she knows about. I eat 5 times a day, and she sees me eating fruit, vegetables, meat and fish. So I am actually quite q good example for her. If I don't eat dessert and she asks why not, then I just say I'm not hungry or I am allergic to something. So I am not actually telling her I can't eat this or that because I want to be thin. My mom was also very diet conscious, sometimes it worked other times it didn't :). We are also very sport orientated and I have explained to her the body's requirement for food and about eating properly and about burning calories through sport.
ReplyDeleteAs I said in my post, my kids eat all different kinds of food, they are not restricted except in the amount of refined sugar they eat as they get hyperactive ;).
I never prohibit them anything and encourage them to try new things. My husband can also eat what he wants - and does ;). My problem is just me, I have been overweight and hated it. Now I am at my perfect weight I want to keep it that way.
I am also a foodie which means that keeping to a strict diet is difficult as temptation is difficult to handle. I love cooking and enjoy watching people enjoy my creations :) I actually make a great white chocolate cheesecake ;)
Your web came up on a google search looking for homemade bread recipes.
Sounds like you've got a handle on things! And good luck with your full house. Just look for the positive. Find something that you and he can bond over (obviously not food). As my pediatrician says, "Don't play the food game, because you will always lose." And he says that the only grownups he knows who don't eat veggies are the ones who were forced as children. I barely ate any as a child and now I LOVE them and can't get enough. So let it go, and find something - reading, getting messy with art projects, etc. that can make the two of you laugh and forget your troubles. Pretend that he's the child of a good good friend who is no longer with us and who is living in a troubled home. It can be your mission to provide a loving respite to his other home life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouragement. One of the things I do with him (also with a motive in mind) is to cook. He doesn't even know the names of foods nor is he able to recognize them. But he does enjoy cooking so hopefully he will develop a love of food through cooking and learning the whole process from what it starts out as and what it becomes. Every time my mom wanted us to eat a new vegetable, she wouldn't give us any and then said, "It's only for grown ups!" that way we would all beg and plead her for some.
ReplyDelete